Updating

Well, as its gone half three in the morning and I'm still awake having only got in less than half an hour ago I thought it about time I did some updating - that and tonight needs a big mention as it kind of sort things ot in myhead a little bit!

Anyway... starting with Friday and the staff training day at work. What a boring day that was! I mean the training wasn't relevant for me so I just did an orinary days work or was at least supposed to! Think I spent most of it faffing about doing paperwork and getting a few things sorted in the office as they were using the theatre for the training so I couldn't do a lot of wrk in there!

Friday evening brough the arrival of the Network christmas bash to the dogs - Kinsley race track to be precise. The evening was a right laugh - even if I didn't win a penny! In fact I came away more than £12 lighter just in placing bets on the sweepstake we ran between a few of us!

On return to Bradley the drinking carried on (supprise suprise!) and we got a bit silly. Well... you see one of the Network guys I've not met before was well fit! In fact as I got a bit more drunk we were sat taking and drinking my beer and discussing the world. Ok so I was perhaps flirting with him a bit too much and then perhaps to mention the fact that he was the sort of guy you could take home to show your parents.. ah well.. he seemed to take it as quite a complement... which it was. He didnt run a mile but did make it known he was straight. Ah well..

When we fifnally did decide to go to sleep we were al crashing down on the floor in teh Bradley Lodge... lets just say there are some mighty fine bodies among the network members... Paul's being one of them! Damn I need to start getting fit and work out a bit!

Saturday morning wasn't fun! Especially when I foolishy agreed to help a theatre cmpany out with a show for the week meaning I had to give Ben a hand setting it all up... ah well.. tis all money.. which I kind of need at the moment!

It was our group race night then on Saturday night which was suprisingy very successfull.. me managed to raise an amazing £1027.68 in the one evening! Fantastic work and good fun at the same time.

Today though I have had a day off! And what have I done with it? Well... sort of tidied the house a bit and done some washing and shoping! I've also had the dress rehearsal for the show that starts tomorrow... although I have to do real work tmorrow evening so Ben is running the show for me!

After the dress though I tail arsed it over to leeds - for you see yesterday was Matts birthday and he requested my company on his night out! How could I turn him down? Yes... I know I'm working in (checks time) 4 hours but I haven't finished typing this yet so I'm going to cary on till I ctach up!

Matts Ex was also out tonight - and being a right arse. Going with another guy and then asking Matt whether he should go hme with him or not. Matt was in a right state... he knows that telling his ex that he can do what he wants so long as he is happy. Went back to Matts with a few others and justtalked with im and convnced him that he'd done the right thing by letting him go.

The rest of the group then left me and matt to talk as they cold see we wanted some tme. Nothing happened. Ok so we kissed and talked but nothing happened. I'm a lot happier now as we both know where we stand. We aren't a couple. We won't be a couple. And why? Wel we're both far too alike when it comes to it - we both want to mke other people happy een to the point that we are unhappy. I think, as I've said before, that Matt just needs smeone he can turn to when he needs an ear. He knows I'm there for him and that I'l try my best allways to hep him.

So, the oficial line is that me and Matt are just really god friends who just happen to have sex now and again! And for those that want to see a pic... here's one of me and Matt from this evening... and my what a lovely couple we make...



Maybe one day we'll be more than just good friends... who knows... but for now I'm happy knowing that he's happy!

And that, as they say, is my update for today... and the reason for me typing it up now!

Revelations

I had written a nice long and informative post to go along with these photo's and a catch up in my week... but I decided (Well actually I didn't decide... it just happened) that it would be a good idea to paste the link for one of the photo's over the top of the text I had written... losing it all.. and there's no undo button! Serves me right for doing two things at once... or being on the phone while doing two things at once.. or is that technically doing 3 things at once? Who cares...


I'm quite proud of the set we put together for the show... and especially the rigging of the trapeze and ladders to add to the circus feel... if I can find a way of getting the video of the performance on here I'll post some snippets of the trapeze work and some of the physical theatre bits when I get a chance..
Anyhow.. enough for now.. my theatres empty again so I can go 'play'....erm.. I mean tidy up...

12 mins

Since I'm paying this much I might as well have my car repaired as
well.. so they put me onto garage who inform me that I haven't got
replacement car cover... so I rings insurance company back up who tell
me that there is nothing I can do.. even though when I signed up for it
on the internet I asked for replacement car... lass said I could speak
to customer services but they would tell me the same thing. So I asked
to speak to them anyhow.. but their call cue was massive so I said I'd
ring back later.

Which I did for the guy to say he would get back to me...which he did
about Fumbles to look at phone 15 mins ago. Yes.. it's added to
my premium at no extra cost as they have found my initial application
which showed courtesy car but they hadn't actually charged me for it. So
now they've back dated it to start of policy and not charged me for it.

As I'm in the process of making a claim and my car is being collected
from me at Jbex on thur by the garage I had to be put through to claims
to sort it out. Who then told me that as the claim was alread "open" It
couldn't be adjusted...even though mr man previously jjust said it
could... so now I'm on hold while he gets it sorted... oh wait... he's
back...



... ok... so now he's said I can have a car.. he's just waiting for
enterprise to confirm the car hire... so I'm on hold again...

woop... here we go... it's all sorted.. just need enterprise to ring me
and confirm details about getting my car... i may have to pay a deposit
on the car... arg... erm... i'll cross that when I get to it!

hmm... 20mins later I'm all sorted... bar the cost of the excess...
better start listing things on ebay then!

Red bull and Lucozade!

Today is mostly a red bull and lucozade day. Finally managed to get to sleep some time after half five.... I know it wasn't six as the news hadn't been on! My alarm then proceeded to wake me up an hour later to tell me to go to work. Booger! I'd forgotten to change my alarm to allow for the fact I was going into work for 9 instead of 8! Ah well... Kept hitting the snooze button and curling back up in bed wishing it was still the middle of the night! Finally got out of bed around 8am having had just over an hour of uninterupted sleep.

On the way into work I called in at the co-op to stock up on some essential supplies.... like dinner, massive ammounts of Red bull, lucozade, hair gel, mouthwash and chewing gum! Ok.. so i did some shopping for home as well!

Currently on my 4th can of red bull and fifth cup of coffee and beginning to feel something liek a human. And i'm not alone! The whole department today has the 'Friday Feeling'! We're all past the knackered stage and at the eveythings funny and silly on a friday feeling! It's ace!

So glad I'm not alone in being sooo tired... well actually I'm not tired anymore i'm on a sort of caffine induced sugar rush that's helping me float though the day!

Anyhow... back to work!

Dirty Stop-Out

I've just got in from a great night out. Yep... It's 4:15am... I'm at work for 9am.... and I'm sober!

So why am I coming in at this time of the morning? Well this evening was the MESMAC AGM that I was helping Blagy out at.

As with all good AGM's we had to go for a drink afterwards... Gave Emile a lift from the Civic hall to Queens Court... well Ok so I tried.. but we got hopelessly lost and just abandoned (well parked nicely) the car in a car park near the Playhouse and then waled to Queens Court. Had a quick drink in there before movibg onto some other bar (Xite or something). Had a laugh with some of the members from Blagy and mesmac and then moved onto the NEw Penny... another gay bar in leeds. This one though plays a rather "alterntive" and varied selection of music DJ'd by a rather funny and highly addictive Drag Queen! WHo would have thought people would be dancing along to Nirvana, Black Sabbath, Dolly parton and Lulu in a Gay bar! New penny didn't wind up till just after 3 so that's why I'm late in.

Currently toying with the idea of bot actually going to sleep... I mean if I do I'll only get about three hours tops.. which aint really any good... so instead i'm going to have a glass of wine followed by a cup of coffee and catch up on a few things on the computer before having a bath and going to work!

Maybe though this isn't a good idea as I'm working tomorrow evening for Kirklees before heading off to church for the Bazzare sleepover... WOO! I feel a red bull and lucozade day coming on!

We Will Remember Them

As you will all know, today is Rememberance day. Today is the day on which we remember those that have sacrificed their health, strength and even their lives that we may live in a free country.

As partof this rememberance I'd like to post the lyrics of one of my favourite songs that sums up many thoughts and feelings of the first world war. The Green Feilds Of France. This song holds with it a huge amount of emotion and memories for me - the first time I ever read the lyrics and heard the song was after visiting the military cemetry at Tyne Cot - the final resting place for some 12,000 soldiers of the Commonwealth Forces, the largest number of burials of any Commonwealth cemetery of either world war. It is hard to leave any such place without feeling a little sadness but thsi was one of the last places we visited on our trip to Belgium... many of us already so emotionally drained at the futility of war that the song was the straw that broke the back. I don't think there was a dry eye on the coach as wel travelled back to our accomodation in silence on the coach....

Well how do you do, young Willie McBride?
Do you mind if I sit here down by your graveside,
And rest for a while 'neath the warm summer sun?
I've been walking all day, and I'm nearly done.
I see by your gravestone you were only nineteen
When you joined the great fall-in in Nineteen-Sixteen.
I hoped you died well, and I hoped you died clean,
Or young Willie McBride, was it slow and obscene?

Did they beat the drums slowly,
Did they play the fife lowly,
Did they sound the death march as they lowered you down?
Did the band play the last post and chorus,
And did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?

Did you leave any wife or a sweetheart behind?
In some faithful heart, is your memory enshrined?
Although you died back in Nineteen-Sixteen,
In that faithful heart are you forever nineteen?
Or are you a stranger without even a name,
Enclosed in forever behind the glass frame
In an old photograph torn, battered and bent,
And faded to yellow in a brown, leather frame

Did they beat the drums slowly,
Did they play the fife lowly,
Did they sound the death march as they lowered you down?
Did the band play the last post and chorus,
And did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?


The sun now it shines on the green fields of France.
There's a warm, summer breeze that makes the red poppies dance.
And look how the sun shines from under the clouds:
There's no gas, no barbed wire; there's no guns firing down
But here in this graveyard, it's still no mans land,
The countless white crosses stand mute in the sand,
To a man's blind indifference to his fellow man,
To a whole generation that were butchered and damned

Did they beat the drums slowly,
Did they play the fife lowly,
Did they sound the death march as they lowered you down?
Did the band play the last post and chorus,
And did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?


Ah, young Willie McBride, I can't help wonder why,
To those that lie here, now why did they die?
And did they believe when they answered the call,
Did they really believe that this war would end war?
Well, the sorrows, the suffering, the glory, the pain,
The killing and dying was all done in vain.
For young Willie McBride, it all happened again,
And again and again and again and again!

Did they beat the drums slowly,
Did they play the fife lowly,
Did they sound the death march as they lowered you down?
Did the band play the last post and chorus,
And did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?

WE WILL REMEMBER THEM

SHIT!

This evening I managed to drive into the back of a car. Not badly but I have done a bit of (non noticable) damage to my car. I wasn't going fast - I was going uphil in traffic about 10mph. Looked down to see how much go go juice I had left - looked up and person in front's brake lights came on... so I applied my break... but she stopped sooner than I did... her having a new car with fancy gizmos and me a 10 year old one with no fancy stopping gizmos... so I skidded into the back of her car, not very hard but enough to make a noise.

No vbisible damage to her car so I gave her my details (didn't have my insuarace ones to hand). She's gone home, told her husband who's rung me being all snotty demanding Insurance details... which I still didn't have on me as I was at my parents. He then said that although there was no visible damage he was still going to persue it through an accident management company and get it looked at in the morning at the garage.

HELP! I'm kinda scared... I'm a new driver... my insuracne was high enough and the sound of an accident management company sounds like I'm going to get right royally screwed... even if it's just paying for their car to be looked at. It's all I need - I have no monay at all after just putting in a new cluth and gear linkages.


My car has come off worse yet I'm gonna get screwed by the insuracne company. I know the accident was my fault but ARG!

Blagy blog...

Ok, so last night I did a favour for a frienc of my boss. Jonathan works for a charity called Mesmac a sexual halth charity dealing with primarily gay men and boys. Next week is their annual AGm and it is Jonathans groups turn to do the 'entertainment' for the evening. To do this he is using one of the youth groups he runs Blagy. As a way of getting over how much work the group does they wanted to record some stories from individuals in the group about what they do in the group and how it has helped them with their problems. As some of the stories are very personal and have obviosuly taken a lot of courage to be able to tell he wanted to record them saying their stories. This works in two ways - the perosn doesn't have to get up in front of hundreds of people if they don't want and it also takes nerves out of the equation so their story can be told in the best possibe way. As well as this he wanted to be able to have sillouttes of the inividuals projected for the audience to see.

So this is where I came in - Jonathan had asked Vicki (my boss) if it was possible who then asked me - who of course was happy for the challenge! I was also quite intruiged as to what these stories would be about - Jonathan had just said that some were quite personal and revealing.

Getting to the building and meeting the individuals I was initially quite nervous and a bit unsure as to how they would receive me - a stranger coming in to listen to their stories. But I needn't have worried - they were all confident and happy to tell me their stories. I was soon put at ease and got on really well with them all.

After recording one of the lads (the younget out of them all at 15) Jonathan came back dowmn to where we were recoring to say that the lad had said how cute I was (awww... bless.. must be blind!). Playing around upstairs after the recording to get the Sillouettes looking good was quite a laugh. It's the first time I've eever really been in a situation where I've been fully comfortable just being me and having a laugh! Even to the point of discussing Heath Ledger... I was agreeing the finer points of him not being as hot in Brokeback as he is in A Knights Tale. I could see some of the lads trying to work out whether I was Gay or not "well that answers that question then" one of them called out!

I got on so well with all of the members and it was just so nice be so laid back and not on guard - I just had so much fun. Nearly all the group were asking when I was gonna come back... I'm torn now... I really do want to go back but it's a Wednesday night! Ah well... I'm sure I can work something out now and again! I just don't want to let scouts down.

After the meeting I joined a few of them for a drink in one of Bradfords Gay pubs (did you know there was one?... I didn't!). Spent the evening talking with Emiel who's 23 and one of the 'longer serving' members of the group. We just seeemed to hit it off soon as we started talking. We just talked about everything and anything and we have so much in common. I came away with his number - not that I'm planning on anything happening as I think we are too alike, it's just good to have someone to talk to now and again.

Anyway... that's enough of last night! Got stuck in Traffic on the way into work this morning so Txt my boss to say I would be a bit late... get's the reply back.. don't go in your office when you get in - we've been broken into again! GRR! This confused me though... office door is quite secure and locked. Window has grille bolted over it?? Get's in and has a look - they've only gone and ripped the bloody grille off! So what they taken this time then? Both Mac's (not too much of an issue cos they were both shite!), CD player off my desk... again not a problem as it was crap and I only ever used it for checking CD's I'd burned worked or listening to the radio with the help of a wire coathanger ariel! THey also taken the box of heart monitors, pulse meteres and things from under the desk - the box they were in is on the roof outside the office but we don't know if its empty or not! As well as that they ahev also taken all the blank CD's off my desk (which had the Grease DVD in the top of the stack as somewhere safe to put it! What of mine has gone then? Well... the bag of tools that was under my desk has gone as well as my removable DVD recorder. Bugger!

And all this from a secure office! SO now I can't use my office while we wait fof SOCO to arrive to fingerprint and wave their magic dust everywhere in the hope of finding some evidence. So... that's why i've so much time on my hands again to write this... I can't use my office or take anything out of it so just have to find jobs (or not) to do that don't require anything from my office - or the use of the phone... which is also in the office!

Ah well.. such a hard life!

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Current Mood – Tired, but strangely at ease with life
Current Music – Some crap that's playing in the theatre next door cos my radio's been nicked!
Current Drink – Lucozade... the liquid alternative to breakfast!

Killing time... photo poting styleee

It's currently tutorial time at work which means all the drama teaching spaces are in use. As such the pile of jobs I have to do are currently off limits as I need access to the teaching spaces. I've caught up on the majority of paperwork... well.. I'm doing it while typing this... so I'm killing time by doing some updating of sorts on my blog... starting with filling you in on some events.


So... first event was my car breaking down last Monday on the way to work which I have previously alluded to. After having the clutch replace on it (at the princely sum of £160) I got the car back on Wednesday evening after the groups halloween party. Driving round after work on thursday though and my car broke again... called garage man who told me it was the gear linkages that he'd warned me about. So another call to the RAC and the man comes out to fix it... but it needs replacing soon as (he mended it with a cable tie!)





After that we had the Music department trip to the NEC in Birmingham for the day on Friday which was pretty good... lot's of freebies and a signed poster from Jim Marshall (the creator of Marshall amps). Was a late one back though so as soon as I got back it was tramming over to Woolley Edge for the weekend. Get's there and ended up coming back for some shopping and picking up Matthew. The useual evening antics got even sillier when spin the bottle started with truth or dare.. rather funny and revealing! Prior to us joining in the explorers had been playing and Matthew had to kiss Crocket and Jamie! Lol!


Saturday saw me tramming around again picking up various bits and pieces like new axes for the the site and some petrol for the generator. Oh.. and finding that solid core twin and earth doesn't like been wired into a 13amp plug! It's bloody hard work! Why were we doing it? Well the nice long length of artic cable that had beenlaid to the wardens cabin had had it's end snipped off... grr! The only cable we had was twin and earth! Ah well...

The bonfire in the evening was pretty good.. the fireworks not quite as good but i did manage a number of pretty cool photo's! We had a pretty early night Saturday night as we were all knackered! I was asleep by half 1! Which as those who know me through scouting events will know is just not me!








Monday I had planned on getting in from work and picking up the new bit for my car so I could replace it... got home to pick wallet up and ring round to find the part and set off.. only for the part in question to break! bugger! Off I trot then on the bus to huddersfield to buy new part. Get back home to find I couldn't get the old one off... limped up to parents using a combination of 3rd and 4th gear(the only ones I could engage) which wasn't fun.. those who know where I live and where my parents live will know it's all uphill! Nearly didn't make it up School Lane!


As usual, with all the right tools the job was pretty straight forward!


What happened yesterday then? They started to fit a new kitchen for me!


Oh.. and I went to the cinema with matt... more on that later!

Borat

Yesterday we had the builders come in at home... they are replacing the kitchen and doing a bit of work round the house. Having not finished all they had planned the house is still in a mess and the sitting room is still unusable as all the stuff from the kithen is in there.. so when I got home from work I just had to go up to the parents to kill some time. While I was there I rang Matt and we decided we'd go see a film :)


First time ever I managed to find my way to Clarence Dock appartments and Matt's flatt and just chilled at his for a while before heading off to the cinema to see Borat... get's to the till.. Matt buys his ticket in front of me when the showing of Borat we wanted to see sold out... Matt had a ticket and I didn't so we swapped Matts for the 9.30 showing instead iving us an hour to do nothing. We just fooled around and talked in the lobby of the cinema and had a laugh.


The film itself... well, I've never leaughed so much in my life! While I can see how many will find the movie offensive ( just about every minority is parodied in it). Borat pokes fun at just about everything - gays, Jews, Christians, gypsies, bears, and about anything else you can possibly think of. But understanding that his comments are only intended to bring out the best, or worst, reactions from people is what makes it hilarious.

Sickest part of the film though had to be the rather fat naked man running around after a naked borat and then sitting on his face... not a pleasent sight!


I don't think I've ever been to see a film yet where the audience (including myself) were laughing almost all the way though...


ok... enough of the film! Walking back to Matts flat we talked about "stuf" and Matt's insecurities and needs as well as my own. I won't go into detail about this as I still need to get my head round it. I'm also still partly confused about Matt's parting comments "learn to take a hint". This could mean a number of things... but i'm still all confused. Thinking about it on the drive home I ran the evening through my head and saw soo many hints and opportunities that I missed... maybe that is what he meant? I think he's wanting me to make the move... but then again I don't know! ARG! All confused again!


Damn... I need more confidence in this area!

Such a puff....

It's not often that I have these moments, but occasionally I end up being so stereotypically gay!

Take now for instance... I'm sat with tears streaming down my face... in fact I haven't cried this much for as long as I can rember... the reason? Nothing to do with watching TV or a film...

What is it then? Actually I don'treally know.. well I do, but it makes no sense. On Sunday (after some random txting) I got the impression that me and Matt, while good friends, were never going to be "an item". This was kind of gutting as, I thought, I wanted more between me and Matt.. well actually I do.. but the prosepect of settling down with someone scares me!

SO tonight... I get a txt from matt saying "The gay scene is full of liars, cheats and bitches!x"..... Tonight I was supposed to be having a night with Matt but couldn't due to car problems etc...

So, more texing later with me playing a sort of agony aunt roll I get a message back "... You are the sweetest guy I know. You know I could see me with you long term. I'm just not ready to settle down yet.you treat me with respect I don't deserve!x"

More texting later abd I just had to ring him. He's in a right state over things... his ex is just being a real arse... and like me people turn to him with their problems (not that either of us are complaining about this part) but when Matt has a problem nobody wantes to know... apart from me! We spent ages on the phone with mr trying to cheer him up and finding out that we both feel the same way... we both want a relatuonship but are both scared that if we do then things will chaneg... we both love how things are now.

I'm actually a bity worried about Matt.. he seemed so down when I rang.. I think I managed to cheer him up a bit. We both get on so well and are like twins in our personalities and human interaction that I think we are both destined to be together.

The only thing is that we are both scared to commit... scarred that the trust/love/care will chaneg if we do... Matt has had a number of relationships that have all ended badly with the other party cheating on him. I fell so sorry for him and just want to hug him and let him know that things will be alright... but I can't get to him... I think that's why I'm so muddled emotionally. While I know that me and Matt will allways have "something" I just don't know if it will be the "something" that I want!

I don't think it helps matters wither that after getting my car back yesterday evenening I had to call the RAC out again this evening when the gear linkages (wheich the garage warned me are worn and need replacing) managed to 'pop-off' while on the way home... so that was another hour in ASDA car park waiting for the RAC and then another hour while the nice bloke from the RAC mended it again... I was well cold when I got in and not in the best of moods!

But now I'm not sure what I'm feeling.... I now know that Matt feels the same way as I do... but on the other had we are both scared that by forming an 'official' relationship we would be changing something that we have between us...


Ok... so now I'm off to dry my eyes and get some sleep...



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Current Mood – Happy/Sad/Confused
Current Music – Dragon Force
Current Drink – Old Rosie....